I just don't want to go home

Since I've been here I haven't really missed my family or being home. Most of my friends have gone home at least three times, and I don't understand why. I was so ready to be away from all of my family. I was tired of the jealousy, the fights, and all the tears. I've grown up having divorced parents that are both remarried, and it's been a living nightmare having to deal with four parents. All of them always accusing the other one of doing something wrong, and I get stuck in the middle of it all. Moving away from my mom in New Jersey to be with my dad in Texas was one of the hardest things for me to do. I thought it would solve my problem of being depressed, but it didn't. Even half way across the country I had problems with my mom, and now even my dad and stepmom. By the time I was a senior in high school I was ready more than ever to be away from all of my parents. It's been hard always having to choose between the two, whether it's who I want to live with or who I want to spend which holiday's with, or anything else. It sucks that they just can't get along, they always blame the other parent for the most stupid things, and it's getting old. I feel like I'm more of an adult sometimes than they are. I mean, at my graduation they went on opposite sides of the school so they wouldn't be near each other, and afterwards I couldn't even have one big family party. Don't get me wrong, I love all four of my parents, but I'm tired of them. Being away from all of them makes life so much easier because now I don't live with one or the other, so that takes a lot of the jealousy away. I'm dreading the holiday's though because I always have to choose one family over the other to be with, and it always feels like I'm hurting someone's feelings in the end. No matter who I choose to be with for whatever purpose, I always hurt the other. Growing up always feeling as if you're hurting your parents is hard to do, but eventually you have to get over it because in the end, so do they. I like having a whole month off from school, but at the same time I hate it because I don't really want to go home to either home. I enjoy living on my own and not having to listen to all the arguments and problems. I just don't want to go home.